When you are young, your parents and family members alert you that you won't know yourself until you reach a certain level of maturity and self actualisation. I always thought that this was silly. As a child I never understood that you couldn't ''know yourself'' because, well, how can you not? You are you, and no-one else knows what you feel like or think about 100% of the time. Recently, I have come to realise exactly what those wise ones were talking about. I believe that I am finally falling into my own personally designed, individual spot in the world, and I know that things will become easier from here on in.
I am not entirely sure about everyone else, but as a teenager I always had a sense of longing. No-matter how hard I tried at school, how many new people I would meet, or how many different phases I went through, it was always there, whether I knew it at the time or not. Recently, I have begun to realise what sort of person I actually am and what direction I am heading through in the maze that we call life. In the last few months especially, I have been alerted to the smaller things in life, and how one little change in ones behavior or actions can make all the difference. Lately, I have been trying to surround myself with things that make me happy, not anyone else, just me. No matter how much I am judged, whether it be good or bad, I have learnt that I can't always put other's needs before my own. To move toward that feeling of self actualisation, I have been learning, very slowly, that some people are just not worth my time. The people that surround me currently each have there place, and all make me incredibly happy to be around.
The feeling that the wise owls from my youth were trying to describe to me, I believe is an ulitmate feeling of happiness, which can be found in every aspect of your life. I like to think that I am slowly but surely working towards this, and sometimes I just get it. Get what you ask? The feeling of ultimate happiness, that nothing can tear me down, that I am a whole.
This may seem incredibly contentious, or corny, or even lame for that matter... But those who know the feeling I am talking about, will understand this completely.