I find myself to already be rather retrospective and intuitive, except sometimes I find myself ridiculously inspired after spending a lot of time looking at art. Whether it be flicking through Tumblr and the plethora of beautiful images on there, listening to music that I have never heard before, reading an inspiring piece of writing or watching a simple film, my body is often overcome with emotion and desire.
I just want to travel the world, cover my body with meaningful and interesting tattoos, yet at the same time keep my skin clean and pure and wonder what could have been. I want to climb mountains and peaks, kayak down streams and end up in unfamiliar places; yet I also want to stay home and read books, lots of books, sip herbal tea from pretty teapots and teacups and write new songs on the piano. I want to experience culture and life, the contrast between first and third worlds and meet interesting people who have stories to tell. I want to meet those who live in Australia and hear their stories, buy a combi van and drive around the country with nothing but a will to explore. I want to learn about history and the way that we on earth came to be, without the influence of religion or higher powers. I want to be inquisitive and knowledgeable, but also humble. I want to spend time in a house by the ocean, with nothing around but the birds and the salty sea mist. I want to paint and sketch and take photos, but I also want to do nothing at all. I want to meet people that understand what it is to live, really live, and I want to bask in their presence. I want to exude kindness and wisdom. I want to live.
It is in the things that you want to do where you often find those moments of purity. I live in a city, I spend my days cramped up inside in front of my laptop or at work serving others and being kind and forgiving to people who treat me like scum, and 'living' my life. I can tell you now, this isn't living. What is living? What is life? Answer? Everything is nothing, and nothing is everything. Think about it. What does it mean to live? Life is a period of 'time' where we exist on earth and every single thing we do really means nothing at all. Life is an empty pit of nothing. Now you're probably thinking, "wow, she sounds depressed", but the truth is far from depressing; intact, it is wonderful. Life is nothing - so that means you can make whatever the fuck you want to make out of it. You can literally be whatever you want to be. You can do whatever you want. If you really want to do it, you will find a way. Why do people make so many excuses (myself included) as to why they can't do what they really want to do in life? If I knew I would've stopped a long time ago.
"Because I'm saving for my future"
"Because I have a full-time job"
"Because I have a family"
"Because I need money"
"Because I need to feed my cat"
"Because I need to pay rent"
"Because I need to have a boyfriend to be happy"
"Because I need to buy a house, and car, and all of the other materialistic things"
"Because I need to 'follow my dream'"
If you want to travel, ditch your job and travel. Find a job overseas for a while, be spontaneous, put your phone away and really just see things for what they are. Be nice, meet new people, make new friends. If you want to be a teacher, a painter, or a writer, stop what you're doing and go and do it. Sure, you might have to study for a few years but fuck, you want to be a teacher? Go and teach. You want to be a painter? Start painting. If you want to write a book, sit down and start to write it. Be a Lena Dunham of the world and just write, you never know where it'll get you. If you like a guy, tell him. If you like a girl, tell her. If you love someone, say it to their face. If you want to spend your life in bed, fucking spend your life in bed. Who cares, do what makes you happy. The only thing you're going to regret is not taking that opportunity, or chance, or following that dream. You might just regret everything else.